I heard a writer on NPR the other day that had been telling people she was a writer since she was 13 but hadn’t really done any writing, so she decided one day that it was time to put up or shut up.

I guess it’s time for me to put up or shut up.

I think a lot about friendship. I think it has to be because of the nature of my life is such that it’s really hard to start, cultivate and maintain friendships. Moving every three years or less makes it pretty difficult to find people to have relationships with. It’s not just the moving though, I’ve come to discover. It’s technology. In some ways, it’s great to have Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc, but in a lot of other ways, it’s terrible. I find that I’m constantly getting online to check what everyone is doing. I’m “friends” with people who I probably wasn’t even that close of a friend to in high school, people from graduate school, people who I moved away from when I was 13, and people I’ve never even met. You have all these “friends” but how many are you actually friends with? Are there really 150 people that you’d invite to your wedding that you actually think of as friends or are there really just a few that are actual friends and other that you just can’t reject when they try friending you. Sure, you don’t want to be the loser with 5 friends, but maybe that’s exactly how it should be.

I had a good core group of friends before I got married and moved away from Tennessee. I felt cared for and supported by a very diverse group of individuals. I have not felt this since then. I don’t really even feel this about those people that I left behind either. I understand that I’m not in their daily lives, so it’s natural that they wouldn’t feel as close to me or not have time for me. I get it. We all went in a lot of different directions. I just really miss those friendships and people. I guess I’m just missing that feeling.

I struggle with this a lot. It seems incredibly hard to make friends as an adult. As a kid, you have a lot in common, like you’re in the same class, you ride the same bus, you both like the same ninja turtle, you don’t like hotdogs, etc. But as an adult, it just seems like friendships are based on your circumstances (ie: your job, your spouse, your neighborhood, your kids). My circumstances make it that much harder for me to make friends.

In Alaska, I tried making friends with other Army wives. This did not work out for me. For some reason, it’s like a super snobby sorority, and I just wasn’t making the cut. I have a feeling, it’s because I was a little too smart and do not have kids that I put all my energy into. I couldn’t be a part of their mommy cult. That’s fine. There were a few, who I thought I could be friends with, but nothing ever came of it for whatever reason.

I made some acquaintances at work. It was nice having people to talk to on a daily basis other than my husband, but for the most part, these weren’t people I truly considered friends. I had lunch with one person on numerous occasions, but she would always bring her kids and could never hang out beyond lunch time.

When I moved back to GA when C. when to Iraq, it kind of came with some built in friends. My sister, even though she’s 10 years younger than me, is one of my best friends. And my cousin, who for some reason I use to dislike when we were kids– I have no idea why, other than I was just a spoiled brat or something, was a great person to hang out with (kiddos and all). But I still wasn’t exactly satisfied.

When we got to NC, I figured I had to try harder. It’s not that I hadn’t tried before, but maybe I hadn’t tried hard enough. I check Craig’s list for platonic ads. Let me say, I don’t think some people understand what platonic means. Most of the people on there in my area are 18-20 year old girls with multiple children looking for “besties”. I guess I’m kind of looking for a “bestie” too, but I have a feeling these girls aren’t going to be it. I gave up on Craig’s list and moved on to Meetup.

Meetup has proven more prosperous. I’ve found a group and within that group a smaller subgroup of women that I actually really enjoy. We meet on Tuesdays (sometimes every week, sometimes every other) for a book club or something else. These ladies are super diverse, but all incredible intelligent, funny, caring and nice. Yet, for some reason, I still don’t feel like I’ve got friends.

I’ve been trying to figure out what it really is I want that’s going to fulfill the definition. I’m wondering if I just need to be content with these wonderful ladies. I really would like someone I can call to go out and get some ice cream/tea and talk. Or sit around and trash talk horrible reality tv with. Someone to go to the movies to (even if the marketing of said movie obviously geared it to teenagers). I guess someone that seems genuinely interested in what’s going on in my life, not just someone that’s going to laugh at my anecdotes and then not wonder what happened after the story ends.

So I’m still trying to make an honest to goodness friend. Maybe one of these ladies will turn out to be it, but I’m just not sure yet. I haven’t totally given up on Army wives yet, but I’m almost to that point. I’ve found a few that seems promising from volunteering at the Red Cross. I’d like to reconnect with some people from Tennessee, since I’m not practically living in another country now. We’ll see. Most of the time, I’m feeling a little more content to just know I’m closer to people geographically and know I have somewhere to go on most Tuesdays.

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